Conspiracy Theories

CONSPIRACY THEORIST UNITE : THE TINFOIL HAT

Conspiracy Theorists Unite is a paid page within the Convergence Chronicle and may not represent the thoughts, feelings or beliefs of the paper's management.



Happy Hanukkah, Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the sweet treat you might have upon your table this Holiday Season.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you scarf down, just as much as I do the number.  And yes, I did just say 'Happy Hanukkah.'  Congratulations, you learned one tiny tidbit about myself.  I was, in fact, born to a Jewish family once upon a time.  Ironically so, considering my choice of topics to discuss this time around.

Birth, rebirth, and all that aside, I sincerely hope you are all enjoying lots of pie this Holiday Season - I know that I sure am.  Now, what would you think might be my topic of choice during the month of December?  Given that this is the season of giving and people are waiting for good Ole' Saint Nick to come down the chimney (not me of course, but a fair few others), I thought I might dip back into the past to give some information about where Santa Claus came from and how Conspiracy Theorists view him, especially in light of D13 and the Consortium.

The man behind Father Christmas/Santa Claus was a Bishop by the name of Nicholas.  He lived in the fourth century in a place called Myra, what we now know of as Turkey.  He was a rich man, due to his parents having been independently wealthy and died when he was young, leaving him everything.  He was known as kind, and had a reputation of giving.  He was beloved by the poor and would eventually be raised to Sainthood.

There are many stories about Saint Nicholas being able to perform interesting and extraordinary feats.  The most famous story was that of the stuffed stockings.  An old farmer was unable to find husbands for his three daughters because he could not pay the dowries.  One night when the family's stockings were hanging above the fireplace to dry, the youngest daughter's stocking 'magically' became filled with gold in the night.  The next night the same thing happened again, to the middle daughter's stocking.  On the third night the farmer hid and waited to see what was producing the gold.  This is when he saw Saint Nicholas come down the chimney and put the gold into the stocking. 

Sailors claimed they could pray to Saint Nicholas during storms and he would appear upon the deck, shushing the seas like an apparition of a Celestial creature.

Eventually Saint Nicholas was exiled from Myra and then put in prison during the persecution by Emperor Diocletian.  However, no one really knows when he died.  It is simply put in history as 'sometime between 345 and 352.'  Excuse me?

There are bones that people claim are his, but there are no accounts of when he died, how he died or any of the sort.  It is like he existed, he lived, he performed miracles and then just sort of - vanished.

If Saint Nicholas was an ordinary human, then I really shouldn't be able to write this article, because clearly I do not know what I'm doing.  Does this necessarily mean he went on to fly a red sleigh around the world with a bunch of reindeer?  Eh, probably not, but considering the magical nature of the world we know now to be true.  There is a greater likelihood that some of what he could do was also true.

Saint Nicholas is one of those individuals who has countless stories backing the miracles he could perform.  His Sainthood was pretty much unanimous.  Becoming a Saint is no laughing matter, and regardless of whether he was Fae, Mage, Mutant, Celestial or a creature from another world that we no longer have a name - his selfless nature and generosity should always be a beacon for the Holiday Season.

While it is a man in a red suit who most think of now, always recall that it was originally just a man who believed in paying it forward and seeing people happy, no matter who they might be.

Happy Holidays Convergence.

Previous installments.

Thanksgiving Greetings, Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the sweet treat you might have upon your table this Holiday Season.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you nibble, just as much as I do the number.

I sincerely hope that you are enjoying your Holidays.  So far mine has been rather uneventful and spent alone over a table set for one.  While there have been years in the past that I have toasted various things, cried into stuffing, or even just not celebrated at all.  This season has evoked something in me that I did not expect.

As I stared down at a two-headed turkey and some green cranberry sauce, I got the distinct feeling that people simply weren't listening to me.  This is not something that Conspiracy Theorists are surprised by, however, it was something I was surprised to realize is a city-wide epidemic.

It is because of this realization, I have decided to take this installment to 'give thanks' and instead of lecturing you on how to save yourselves, I am going to lecture you on recognizing those without a voice.  I would like for everyone to take a look around and notice those who give out cues based upon body language, their eyes, or even just a mere presence so that a dialogue can begin and we all may remember just why we are truly able to give thanks.

In this city alone, there are literally hundreds, maybe thousands of monuments to what came before us.  Whether it be a literal monument, carved in stone to represent a fallen hero, a place upon the ground where someone puts flowers on a certain day of the year, or a building that ADA cannot put together any longer; these are all testaments to what came before.

What is a sad truth about these remembrances is that people stop asking questions.  We see someone in the cemetery with a head bowed and tears in his or her eyes, but we stop asking why.  We see someone who literally recoils at the sight of a noose, of flames, or of a tub of water, but we never truly asked WHY.  We look up at that old building, which the city simply cannot put back together again, but we never. ask. WHY.

You're not being sensitive.  You're not allowing someone to mourn.  What you are doing is allowing those who fought and died for your freedoms to disappear and forgetting the lessons they left behind.  You are ignoring the pain in someone's eyes, ignoring their cues when they jump away, and not inviting someone into the warmth of your compassion by merely casting a blind eye to that discomfort.

Ask. Questions.

And I leave you with a smack in the face.  A monument.  A momento.

I'm the one who writes for this segment, now, because the Cult of Ashes made D.J. Slicer hang himself in front of the entire city for what he'd found out about them and tried to relay to the rest of the city.

Never.  Forget.  The ones who came before you, who fought and died.

Give Thanks.





Previous installments.


Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the sweet treat you might gobble down with your candies this Halloween.  Though, as I have mentioned in previous installments, I do enjoy the pie that you ingest, just as much as I do the number.

I sincerely hope that you are enjoying your Treats this All Hallow's Eve, Convergence Citizens.  Though, it seems some of our lovely creatures of the night are content with doing far too much harm with their Tricks, eh?

Let me first start by congratulating most of you, for having likely already researched out, or found someone to translate the scribbled words beneath the faces so expertly pealed from people's faces and nailed to our beloved Gates.  As most of you are likely already circulating, it says, 'See you soon,' or 'See you later,' in Algonquin.  This can only be described as a rather chilling taunt to have written in blood so soon after the unusually cold snowstorm off the coast, no?

Please, follow-along closely, now.  I am going to type as cryptically as always, but this is a story that spans centuries and I really need you to pay attention because this threat leaves ghost towns over the Winter season if not handled properly.

I do believe there may be what the Algonquin would have called an 'Ice Man' in Convergence.  You might know them as Wendigo.  I am not entirely certain when it arrived, but the length at which it has stayed I can only attribute to the shear mount of unfortunates it can be allowed to traverse its 'disease' through in the Quarantined Zones with impunity.  Toss aside your fairy tale thoughts of Wendigo and focus on the folktales of the lands and people in which they ravaged.

I am not a scholar of Native American dialects, so I regret that I can only work with broken translations and 'whispers,' but this is as best as I can do for you, Convergence.

The Wendigo bring with them, bitter cold, sometimes unseasonably so, but would much rather traverse in the Autumn/Winter months.  At the 'heart' of them, is a person, one that the Native Americans describe as having a 'hole in the head.'  

Likely this was not meant literally, but rather metaphorically.  There was something missing in this individual's life and that 'defect of character' if you will, the parasitic creature can burrow into the minds of an individual, through.  This is why most believe Wendigo come about when someone is forced to resort to cannibalism in order to survive.  What worse of a mental instability or 'hole' in one's mind can be formed than being forced to eat someone you care about in order to save your own life?

There are stories of infants, and children succumbing to the Wendigo.  Take a drink of your hot apple cider and soak that in a moment, go ahead, I will wait.

All right, are you ready to continue?  

...Excellent!

Now, that you are all sufficiently taking inventory of your lives and trying to find zen as quickly as possibly, let's talk about how you destroy a Wendigo.

99.9% of Wendigo, even those with the Heart's of Humans, need to be destroyed.  Can a person come back from being infected by the Wendigo?  Yes, but it is rare, and typically takes the Willpower of a Saint, OR! special circumstances that I will go over in a moment.

By now, you've got yourselves a book and you're shaking it at me, "E.K. Pie!  It says right here that in order to kill a Wendigo, you BURN it!  Didn't you say that it is made of ice!?"  I did!  And perhaps you are right, however, these translations say the best way is actually 'lightning' and the torches were made of certain kinds of trees.

Oh my!  What was one of the faces of the people flayed??  Didn't he own a furniture store!

I'm not going any further with that one because if you need anymore hints, I haven't done my job.

I will say, one of the legends of the Algonquin says that a Wendigo was defeated by a child, a girl, who armed herself with two sticks.  As she went out to face him in the bitter cold she 'grew as giant as it,' and when the battle was over she 'swallowed the sticks.'  This was what I was referring to earlier.  

As it would have been 'danced' around a fire and shown bright to a tribe of people...the true 'meaning' of that story is that the girl became a Wendigo, fought and killed the one who threatened her tribe and then 'cured' herself.  

So tell me, my fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  My wooden spoon is ready.

Is yours?

Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the sticky treat that you gobble down on Sunday afternoon.  Though, as I have mentioned in previous installments, I do enjoy the pie that you ingest, just as much as I do the number.

I hope that you all are still alive and kicking after the September of many fires.  I was fortunate to not suffer too much damage during all the excitement.  I tend to gravitate in the opposite direction when things go haywire as they are wont to do in Convergence.  Much like my predecessor D.J. Slicer, I am always more on the fringe than in the thick of things.  Truly, though, do you want another repeat of what happened to him?

Not to sound self-centered, but I would rather not find myself dangling from the end of a noose.

So then where can one find me?

I get this question a lot.  Or rather I see it in places.  I see it in the dark.  I can see in the dark, you know.  Not many people can, but there are a select few that have this, well, I do not want to call it some sort of special ability, because it is more like a clever visual acuity picked up over decades of being forced to stare through dimmed keyholes.

I see you, in the dark, looking for answers.  Asking your so-called allies about the truth, about recipes, sometimes even about me, but you cannot see me.  You're still peeking through dimmed keyholes.  It is nothing to be ashamed of, really.  Learning to truly see in the dark takes time, effort and even a bit of luck.

One could always just; speak my name there in the dim, in the fog, the confusion and the muddled filth of those cluttering up your vision.  Who knows?  I might even answer you.  I might reach right out of the dark, and whisper in your ear.

So tell me, my fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  Will you take the plunge and say my name three times in the dark?

My table is set for two.

Is yours?

Greetings Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the treat that can potentially give you diabetes.  Though, as I have mentioned in previous installments, I do enjoy the pie that you ingest, just as much as I do the number from which I may, or may not be named.

There have been a lot of discussions recently about the possibility of me coming to an untimely demise.  I am not for certain if individuals are seriously concerned for my safety, or if they are merely wondering if there shall be a repeat of what happened to my predecessor, D.J. Slicer.

While it is true that D.J. Slicer was captured by Tomorrow Sky and forced to commit suicide, and it is also true, that I poke bears, metaphorically speaking, in similar ways, I am not as worried for my life as he was.  

The reason for this is quite simple.

D.J. Slicer was up against the Dark, specifically.  The Dark needed to make public spectacles of death in order to exploit the feelings of sadness and despair in Its enemies.  Losing D.J. Slicer was a literal blow to the world, especially in the public way that he died.  He did his best to give information to his waiting listeners, even in death, and in his death, I arose.  But there is no mistaking just how horrible of a moment in history the whip crack of his noose shall forever stain Convergence.

That being said; currently we do not face a foe like the Dark.  Our foe is that of invading Fae who are potentially infected with a strain of D13, which has somehow enhanced them in horrific and disturbing ways.  What could they possibly gain from the likes of me?  I am not especially entrenched in Lumina, I do not create great works of art, and while my words do reach many; I am no more a threat than any other average well-informed individual.

Will there come a time that another foe will see me as knowing too much, or will these Fae figure out a way to turn me into a Lumina snack drink?

Perhaps.

But that day has not yet come.

There is also a fundamental difference between myself and my predecessor, D.J. Slicer.

I do not feel nearly as much as he did.

So then, onward and upward my fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  We have to discover a way to stop a seemingly unstoppable force.

My Sonic Spork is ready...

Is yours?




Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the ooey gooey treat sliding down your throat.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as I do the number.

Individuals have asked me before, 'E.K., do you ever get tired of being right?' To which I honestly reply, 'No, no, I do not.'

If you opened this paper last month, you would have been prepared for the portals and visitors to come, just like I mentioned.  I told you all that they were not friendly.  However, if you are those who do not 'believe' and like to put on blinders - well.  I suppose you likely are not reading this right now and I'm talking to myself anyways.

However, if you have come to see the 'light,' then welcome and let me try to stop beating around the bush.  I do not say such things very often, but to the families of those that were taken; I am truly sorry.

Let us not dwell too long, but rather discuss what we know and what can perhaps lead to better outcomes in the future.

What do we know?

Over the past two months instances of unstable magic has increased, including shattering mirrors, the opening of portals, the use of Chronomancy, and while I have no true confirmation - one might assume - attempts at Fatecraft as well.  As someone with a literal PhD in 'Things That Can <Redacted> the World Over;' I can tell you wholeheartedly, that this is something that can <redacted> this world over.

In addition, the opening of the portals have people disappearing.  Our rendition of Earth is losing people left and right, totaling in the hundreds that we can confirm.  Up until recently this was kept to the mainland and was chalked up to mysterious 'monsters.'  However, we now have a confirmed instance of this happening right outside of the city of Convergence where several citizens were taken through portals by 'diseased' Fae.

Days later an NPB went out stating that the entire city of Topeka Kansas was destroyed by 'Blood Thirsty Fae,' as people were butchered in their homes or in the streets.  I am not hesitating in my assumption that these instances are related and that the ramping up of actions is not only related, but were steps aiding one another like pushing a tire up a hill and then once it is as the top, letting it go to roll down the other side.  Now that the attack on Topeka has happened, likely there shall be more taking of innocent people and more attacks like Topeka.

While it is obvious to me why the portals opened outside of Convergence and not inside, the attack on Topeka still baffles me.  Opening a portal inside Convergence proper is no small feat.  The systems of Convergence resist those who are not 'meant' to be here.  People wonder how Chronomancers get in and out as often as they do, but it is more a matter of, 'do they really mean to do harm' and 'have they ever been a citizen.'  True non-citizens and those who seek to harm the infrastructure of Convergence with invasion or murder/kidnapping of humans will trigger the city's defenses.  Those who do not do these things, as long as they move quickly so as not to alert the Things, are typically 'ok.'

Likely these Fae were testing our systems/defenses by appearing outside the city.  Sadly, as many citizens do, you see something interesting and run to it.  Plus, there are still plenty who live outside.

But!  This still leaves the issue of Topeka.  What was it there that they wanted so badly they were willing to destroy the entire city right down to every man, woman and child?  Was it merely a mindless slaughter, or were they testing the Earth as a whole?

I am merely a lone Conspiracy Theorist, but if I had any say at all - I would think we need eyes upon the streets of Topeka.  Or maybe some - fly abouts?  Perhaps if I had wings - or maybe could leave my body somehow.  Then again, maybe I can and that's how I get my information.  Or maybe I just own a drone.

Difficult to say really.

At any rate - my floating spoon is ready...

Is yours?



Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the warm flaky pastry.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just like I do the number.

Last month I expressed that I took a vacation and I sincerely hope that I was not the only one.  As history would tell us, when there is a lull in excitement of Convergence it is not to last.  When one is given the chance to breathe, read books, kiss loved ones, or dare I say, have some sexual exploits - one should take that moment and seize it by its giant fuzzy peaches.

Why do I say this?

Well, I would think by the state of your bathroom mirror that it would be obvious.  We are back in the saddle again.

It is kind of hard for me to talk about the mirrors shattering.  I have some theories about why it occurred, and none of them are good.  However, out of respect to those who have been personally effected, I will leave this somewhat vague.  While I do wholeheartedly believe that knowledge exists to be learned; I also understand that some knowledge can actually harm if revealed too quickly.

So then, in somewhat vague terms, what do I believe is going on?

I believe it was quite a long while ago that I hearkened back to the original writer of the Tin Foil Hat; Mister DJ Slicer and his insistence upon the term 'aliens.'  As I explained previously, this in it's simplest terms, speaks about those who travel not so much between planets, but between worlds.  At this point, we too, have become aliens.  We have traveled between dimensions and while this planet is technically still 'Earth' it is not our original Earth and we are now colonists instead of original inhabitants.

What does this have to do with mirrors and magic gone wild?

Well, there is more than one way to cross worlds.  Am I saying that beings can cross into other worlds through mirrors?  Oh yes!  This is definitely a manner of interdimensional travel since the dawning of time that only the Interdimensional League of Chronomancers has ever even TRIED to comprehend (spoiler alert, it drove them mad).

The fact that all the mirrors shattered and magic went haywire should give you a hint about those, other than ourselves, which are interested in Earth 2.  If you're still confused, they're likely not friendly.

So what, if anything, can we all do about this?

My suggestion would be to stay away from reflective surfaces, get rid of all those broken mirror shards, and if you have any mirrors left - cover them up, get rid of them, and as always. . .

My spoon is ready; is yours?





Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the warm fluffy goodness that one eats on Sunday afternoon.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

I would imagine that you are frothing at the mouth wondering what tidbits of Conspiracy Realism that I am going to bring you this month.  However, the fact of the matter is that I took the entire month of May to myself.

That's right!

I took a <redacted> vacation.

You are probably wondering if Conspiracy Realists actually take vacations, and I will admit, while it is inordinately rare; it does happen.  For myself in particular, I have not had a vacation since I was in puberty.  I thought it was seriously about time that I stop and smell the proverbial roses.

You see, my beloved readers, I have lived, died, come back and seen many things that would make you white.  I do not say this lightly either, because I know you all live in Convergence.  Considering the way that my life has gone, over and over again, I might add; I decided it was about time that I just take a breather.

So then what did I do on my vacation?

Not a whole lot, really.

I slept in and did some calculations that I had on the back-burner for quite some time.  I played some video games, and read books that I have wanted to since I was a child.  I even watched some movies and binge watched all 20 Seasons of Supernaturals.  I mean one has to respect a television show that continued to produce episodes long after D13.  While they got so many things wrong, do you ever get the feeling that they happen to get a few things right?

Ah, well, I won't spoil it for you.

Next month I will be back on my game.  Do not fret, Convergence.  It's a whole new world and there's a lot that I need to spoon feed you.

My dinner table is ready; is yours?





Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the warm sugary goodness.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

If you are reading my words, that means you can count yourself among those that are still alive!  You know who else can count himself among those that are still alive?  That's right!  You're good friend and Conspiracy Realist, the Pie, Not-So-Far-Into-The-Sky, himself.  Me.

Despite how many times Tomorrow Sky, Humans First, The Cult of Ashes, and the good ole' fashioned Dark has tried to kill me; I just keep coming back.  Like that ant who wants desperately to nibble upon the sweet cherry filling of your beloved treat.

Indeed, Citizens of Convergence, I am your own personal cock roach.

So then what have I to discuss?  Well, it seems that we have officially become the aliens.  How quickly the tables have turned.  Where once we fought off an onslaught of baddies infiltrating our world through various portals, now we have taken the initiative to colonize a perfectly good dimension.

Now, I know what you're thinking; haven't we all been assured that all the people in this dimension are dead?

Does that really make you feel better about it?  Does it make you feel better to know that somewhere in this world is a set of bones, that belong to you?  Think about it.  Somewhere upon this planet is a dead version of you.  Unless of course, you happen to be one of the lucky ones, who was created in Convergence or teleported from a completely different dimension.

Question.  Everything.

Do not let these sweet-talking politician-types tell you that everything is ok, and it's perfectly fine to look the other way while oddness happens.

Do not get me wrong.  I am happy to be alive, and while it is well-known our victory could potentially be short-lived.  I merely wish for everyone to open their eyes and not take this for granted.  What is in front of us needs to be looked at with a critical eye and the proverbial wool be pulled away once and for all.

This is a new world and a new chance, and to let us get back to the situation that we were in before would be a travesty.

I'm thinking I might try cobbler in this new world.

My fork is ready.  Is yours?

Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the flaky pastry.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

As you might recall from the previous installments, I am a 'friend' of DJ Slicer, and I have been trying to spoon-feed you the edible goodness that is conspiracy theory - reality.  Other 'friends' of DJ Slicer may also recall that while Slicer managed to hide for years, he was eventually found and silenced.  His final words before Dark Agents caused his death in front of the entire city were, "Today Ashes, Tomorrow Sky."

Last month my over-arching message to you, the readers, was that the city needed to find peace.  I sincerely hope that everyone has reached inner equilibrium and that people are in a good place physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  We really do not have any time left to prepare, whether people are ready or not.

I have taken time to really consider where I am, where I am going, and it is my hope that you have done the same.

The Dark and its Agents have hurt me personally and while getting revenge against a construct that was created for a singular purpose to spread - darkness - is not really logically, I think I speak for the entire city when I say; I don't really give a fuck.

I am a conspiracy theorist, a mathematician, and all-around logical person, but I am putting my foot down and getting ready to kick some ass.  My zen is about as zen as it's going to get.

My pie pan is empty and I'm ready to beat the shit out of Dark with the power of Light.

How about you?

Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the warm sticky pastry.  Though, as I have mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

As you might recall from the previous installments, I am a 'friend' of DJ Slicer, and I have been trying to spoon-feed you the edible goodness that is conspiracy theory - reality.  Other 'friends' of DJ Slicer may also recall that while Slicer managed to hide for years, he was eventually found and silenced.

His final words before Dark Agents caused his death in front of the entire city were, "Today Ashes, Tomorrow Sky."  I think we can all agree that the City of Convergence has seen plenty of ashes and considering the Cult of Ashes has laid to waste not only to the city at large, but caused countless bodies to be burned due to Dark infection, the ashes have been pretty much covered.

Now, we find ourselves plagued by Tomorrow Sky, telling us that they can take us to the 'Promised Land.'  All we need to do is submit and give our lives over to something that is basically death and a beyond that no one knows exists or doesn't.  Well, I don't know about you, but I think I'd rather take my chances and not be brainwashed with a mixture of kind music and subsequent terror.

The thing about playing soft music and then blasting images of death, destruction and blood is that it is meant to work on a person's brain much in the same way that various types of cancers, flu, or even simply being in a constant state of anxiety does.  It is meant to wear the body down so that soldiers cannot function properly.  It's torture.

If someone is captured by the enemy and placed into a small cage, you do not need to beat them or even tell them day-in-and-day-out that they are going to die.  All you need to do is blast soft music about how wonderful things are going to be and then show them horror, over and over again as you slowly drive them insane.  They're brain will eventually end up in a constant state of arousal, which leads to improper functioning, poor decision making, break down of the autonomic nervous system - and as we see in rats that are put into water, forced to tread with no way out - death. Or, you know, child abuse.

Tomorrow Sky is trying to kill you - Convergence.  They're trying to kill you softly.  This isn't some crazed theory, it's a fact.  They are torturing you and trying to kill you.  They're making you paranoid, they're mucking with your dreams, your immune system and eventually, you will get sick and simply die, if you do not turn on one another and kill each other first.

What can be done?

Well, that's an interesting question.  As much as I hate to say this - Convergence needs therapy, faith, hope and relaxation.  All the things that help someone calm down and find a way to simply cope with life and all the horrors there are.  Not only do we need to be ready for an onslaught that will likely render this world asunder - we need to be at Peace.

Convergence, you need to get good with whatever Gods you pray to, or with your families, your friends, each other.  You need to look at one another and finally see everyone for who you are.  It is time that the people of Convergence get over the fact that you are of different races and realize ;

You are Citizens of Convergence and the people who survive will be rebuilding all of society.

The Dark is the great equalizer.

This is it.

THIS IS IT.

This is the END.

Eat some pie with each other and find peace or we can never hope to destroy what is coming.

I am ready to eat.  Are you?






Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, again.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the flaky treat.  Though, as I mentioned last month, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

As you might recall from the previous installments, I am a 'friend' of DJ Slicer, and I have been trying to spoon-feed you the edible goodness that is conspiracy theory - reality.

Last month we talked about creatures from other realities and how one might use the term 'alien' and 'interdimensional' interchangeably in order to dispense with much of the fog and haze that separates the 'normal' everyday Convergence Citizen with the creepy crawly cave dwellers that consider themselves Conspiracy Theorists.

Sadly, it appears as if I shall have to jump feet first into the deep-end and start talking about current events, as we find ourselves stuck in the muck of Black Dogs.

The black dog ghost legend comes from the British Isles where a nocturnal apparition is thought to be associated with the Devil or hellhounds and seeing it means that within a certain amount of time - you are going to die.  There are many renditions of this and all end with the person that has seen the black dog being found dead.  However, the death is odd with no discernible reason behind it - doors and windows locked and the person having spent some time claiming they were being followed.

On the surface it appears as if this has the same MO and our Black Dogs are one-in-the-same.  Though with many of the things that happen in Convergence, it is just another legend meant to keep people frightened and locked away, allowing for fear to rule and common sense to fly out the window.

Yes.  A Conspiracy Theorist just told you to use common sense.

If you break down what is happening into its basic components - here is what you have.  There are strange black animals appearing all over Convergence and the few people that have seen them, end up violently killed in their own homes with the windows and doors locked and what appears to be - not something having broken in - but something having broken out.

The animals are black and what do we know black to mean right now?  Right.  The Dark.

The individuals that are killed claim feeling like they are being stalked or watched for days after seeing the black creature.  What do predators do with a wounded animal?  Right.  They stalk it away from the herd.

Now, to the tricky part.  The individuals are found alone in their homes with the doors and windows locked.  So how do the Black Dogs get in?  Bingo!  You remembered that the Dark Domes appear out of no where!

Like with any predator, be it man or beast - don't be a victim.  Do not let the Dark mess with your head and drive you to hide in your room alone and lock the doors like a scared rabbit.

As I said last month, there are creatures here from other dimensions that are not here to help us, but to harm us.  Some of them very clearly serve the Dark and likely these Black Dogs are another example of this.

So have a slice of pie with some friends while holding a really big gun.

I am ready to eat.  Are you?

Salutations Citizens of Convergence, E.K. Pie, here.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the tasty treat.  Though, as I mentioned previously, I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

As you might recall from the previous installment, I am a 'friend' of DJ Slicer, and intend to carefully spoon-feed you the edible goodness that is conspiracy theory - reality.

If any of you have ever read Slicer's column, you may be familiar with his penchant for blaming everything on 'aliens.'  Today I hope to enlighten you on this subject and just why this is not the mere ravings of a madman, but the indisputable truth of our Convergence world.

First and foremost, we must accurately define what constitutes an 'alien.'  There are many definitions, including those denoting the unfamiliar, peoples belonging to foreign countries, but it is the following definition - and I assure you this is an actual definition - with which I would like you to pay especially close attention.

a·li·en

ˈālēən/

adjective

adjective: alien

- relating to or denoting beings supposedly from other worlds

Denoting beings from other worlds.

In order to call a creature an 'alien' you are essentially claiming that there is something nearby that is from another world.  Is that really so difficult to wrap your minds around while living in Convergence; a city that boasts itself as also being from another world?

The hang-up that many people have differentiating between 'alien' and 'inter-dimensional' is that people have come to associate 'alien' with other planets and cannot fathom that something from 'another world' is also from its own planet.  Traveling across planar dimensions is akin to space travel and can be sometimes accomplished with similar technology.

So what is my point with all this babble?

My point is that DJ Slicer was not crazy in claiming that 'aliens' exist upon Earth and have for a very long time.  DJ Slicer, was in fact, racist.

Using the word 'alien' to denote inter-dimensional traveling beings is pretty much the same thing as calling someone an 'illegal' just because they may not have been born in a particular country.  While some individuals may be inside a country illegally, there are many generations who could have 

entered a country under good terms and have citizenship.

There are those on Earth who have 'citizenship,' for lack of a better term, in order to be upon Earth.

Are there those who do not, and are here to do more harm than good?  Sure!  And those are the ones that people need to not turn blinders toward.  However, should we be calling them 'aliens?'  I suppose I have a wiggly hand gesture at that.  They are what they are, and they are not friendly.

Perhaps we'll get into that more next month.

Until later, have a slice of pie during the holidays, on me.

I am ready to eat.  Are you?

EDITOR'S NOTE:  It would appear as if some of those who knew/loved/supported DJ Slicer wish to continue his column.  Seeing as how Slicer paid for an entire year ahead of time, we at the Convergence Chronicle have no real reason not to publish new articles that are sent to us on behalf of DJ Slicer's memory.  That being said, the following article is from a supposed 'friend' who wishes to keep the column alive.


Salutations Citizens of Convergence, my name is E.K. Pie.  That's Pie π as in 3.14159265358979 etc. and not the tasty treat.  Though I do enjoy the pie that you eat, just as much as the number.

You might call me a 'friend' of DJ Slicer, though the man did not have too many of those if one was to be truthful about it.  Conspiracy Theorist by-in-large, are not the most trusting of people, and so to say that someone of Slicer's lot had 'friends' would a bit on the side of a vague wiggly hand gesture.  However, if ever there was someone that knew him, I would like to think that I did, as much as someone could.

These are indeed, Dark times, and in Dark times, paranoia runs rampant.  Having friends, especially if you were doing things like Slicer was, is simply not a luxury one can afford.  The proof is in the pudding, or perhaps 'the pie,' if you take a look at how he died.  There was a rather large group of people gathered together in the spirit of bringing 'hope' only to have their spirits dashed as they watched him dangling at the end of a rope.

I would like to believe that Citizens of Convergence are clever enough to see that this was not some random stunt, but a very calculated plan to instill fear and hopelessness.  Slicer, however, was never one to succumb to anything.  He was, to tell the truth, a rather annoying gent.  Even with his dying breath he struck out at his killers, passing cryptic messages to the crowd and otherwise being a thorn in the Dark side.

So where does that leave the rest of us?  Are we back to the beginning, staring at his messages about aliens and trying to make sense out of what society had so long deemed a madman and left wondering if maybe he wasn't so crazy after all?

Well, yes.

This is precisely where we are.  And I am here to carefully slice up your pie so that you may delicately eat it one bite at a time and savor just how delectably DJ laid things out for you.

I am ready to eat.  Are you?







EDITOR'S NOTE:  It is with a heavy heart that the Convergence Chronicle confirms the death of DJ Slicer.  We had thought that after months of being missing that he was likely already dead and many of you lovely people, readers, fans, even his friends came out to the Candlelight Vigil that was held in his honor.

However, much to our surprise, Slicer made an appearance during the Vigil backed by what we can only assume was Lady Imele.  Slicer was not himself, spouting off about how the Dark would cure everyone's suffering and all we needed to do was give in.  If there is anything that someone might take away from his writings, it was that Slicer wanted everyone to fight back.

At this point in time, the Convergence Chronicle is still not sure what to do with the Tinfoil Hat.  We had fully planned on shutting this segment of the paper down, at least for the time being, so that people who knew Slicer could heal from the tragic loss his dead brought.  However, not long after his death we were forwarded an email from his address.

It looks as if, should his email ever go dormant for a long period of time, this particular email was set to automatically appear to us.  There was no body to it - it was merely a link, and one that was classically something we can say truly came from Slicer.  It was something that made us smile and gave us hope.

The link in the email was a quote we gladly publish to our readers, as well as the link so that you might view it yourselves.

While Slicer said some things in his final moments that gave people chills, and his death left a lot of people wondering if maybe they should just give in and roll over, we at the Convergence Chronicle want everyone to know what popped up later.

"Death is but a door.  Time is but a window.  I'll be back." - Ghostbusters


Link

((OOC Note:  Thank you so much to those who participated in the storyline revolving around the disappearance of DJ Slicer.  We at the Convergence Chronicle hope that you guys had a lot of fun.  A double super thanks to Z for running that and for letting us do it in the first place.  We hope to be able to bring you more interesting intrigue in the future, so stay tuned to your local Convergence Newspaper! <3))




EDITOR'S NOTE:  We at the Convergence Chronicle are deeply saddened to report to you, that DJ Slicer is still missing.  At this point we fear that we may never see or hear from him again.  However, due to the nature of his disappearance and the nature of this paper, we have decided to hold an event in his honor, and in the honor of those who write theories.

While in a lot of ways, this is thought to be the end of the world, there is one thing that we as people must never lose sight of and that is hope.  When an individual's right to simply think is taken away, that is the loss of hope.

DJ Slicer believed in a lot of things that others might think were ludicrous.  However, for better or worse this is still the United States of America, and that means he should have had a right to believe those things and even occasionally submit them to our little newspaper.

In the month of October the Convergence Chronicle shall hold a Candle Light Vigil for DJ Slicer and we urge everyone in Convergence to please come out and light a candle.  We need each and everyone of you to be a Light in the Dark.  Because while one man can be stolen from his home in the middle of the night, an entire city is a force to be reckoned with, and we will not be cowed.


((OOC Note:  The hunt for DJ Slicer is still going on!  We know a few of you have put in tickets and found out a few interesting things. ;)  If we hold an event for DJ Slicer, will something happen!?  We honestly don't know!  If you have information on the whereabouts of DJ Slicer, please contact Ruukah Kurosawa (jetsette123) or Alexi Alkeav (smellapple).))

EDITOR'S NOTE:  DJ Slicer is still missing.  It has been quite a long time and we at the Convergence Chronicle are fearing the worst.  Not many clues were found in his studio apartment.  However, there was a strange rotten stench, despite there not being anything rotten found at the scene.  In addition, there was a trashcan filled with documents that had been lit on fire.  If anyone has any information on what that rotten stench might be, or how to put together documents that were once burned to glean clues from them, please contact Owner and Editor Alexi Alkaev (smellapple) or Manager Ruka Kurosawa (jetsette123).  In addition, please, feel free to go to DJ Slicer's apartment and look into the scene yourself.  The owner of the building has been notified that people might be coming to look into his disappearance and will let you up to investigate his living space.  Help us Citizens of Convergence, you're our only hope.

((OOC Note:  The search for DJ Slicer continues!  Feel free to put in research tickets in order to find him! You might find out something cool! :D))






EDITOR'S NOTE:  The following entry from DJ Slicer came much later than normal.  We did not receive his rant on time this month and became concerned.  We managed to trace his previous correspondence to an apartment flat in the lower East of Convergence.  The door was locked, but no one answered.  The landlady let us in only to find that the inside was destroyed.  It was a simple apartment with the windows boarded up and many computers.  Things were overturned, smashed and a single bloodstain in the center of the room upon the floor.  We found the following musings sticking out of a bookshelf that was ajar.



They've found me.  Citizens of Convergence, the Agents of the Dark have found me.

By the time you read this, I will likely be gone.  I want you all to know that everything I have told you has been the truth.  You need to read the signs and fight back.

Sometimes the messages come across muddled and confusing, but I have only ever wanted to spread the word of what is strange, weird, or needed to be fixed in our city.

Do not get me wrong, I do not wish to die and I certainly do not wish to die because I was sending out messages this way.  If anything I would hope that someone would help me.  However, I am not a coward.  I am a Citizen of Convergence and I will fight to the bitter end.

The Dark will take everything you hold dear and turn it against you.  One day you will look up and there will be overwhelming numbers of them and you are huddling in a single room with no where else to go.  Be proactive, even if it turns their eyes toward you.  Just do your best to be smart about it.

There is so much more I want to say, but they are coming.

I wasn't ready.


EDITOR'S NOTE:  The Convergence Chronicle is looking for any and all information as to the whereabouts of DJ Slicer.  Please, if you have any information or if you want further information about his disappearance, send inquiries to Editor and Chief Alexi Alkaev (smellapple) or Manager Ruka Kurosawa (jetsette123).

((OOC:  Where in the world is DJ Slicer!?  Our wonderful and illustrious Z has joined together with the Convergence Chronicle to give you this side quest!  This is a real event that you as players can get in on.  The Conspiracy Theorist known as 'DJ Slicer' has gone missing and may or may not have been kidnapped by agents of the Dark!  It's up to YOUR CHARACTERS to bring him home!  If he is not found safely he may very well die and we lose this colorful NPC forever!  Feel free to contact Alexi (smellapple) or Ruka (jetsette123) for more information on the state of his apartment, and then submit tickets on Enjin searching for DJ Slicer.  And please, by all means, RP this out.  :D))






It's hot as balls out there my fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  As happened last summer, we are now in a great heat wave.  This only weeks after we had a random blizzard that blanketed the city and some homeless and elderly died of exposure.  Once again I have to ask myself the question if the Citizens of Convergence are <redacting> <redacted>.

Be that as it may, I am glad to see you still alive and kicking.

The Consortium recently announced that several high-profile D13 criminals have gone missing following the discovery of D13-Y.  If you do not know, D13-Y is known as the 'Silent Plague.'  This is a highly resistant strain of D13 that does a lot of funky things to infected, including increasing their speed and agility.  If any of you have ever played Resident Evil, I'm pretty sure you can see where this all is going, and if you haven't for goodness sake get on ADAnet and do some <redacting> research.

Which leads me to another thing the Consortium is doing currently.  Several races are petitioning for recognition, including our genetically altered friends the Chimera and ancient spirits known as Yokai.  Does anyone else find this a little convenient?

I rather sympathize with the plight of the Chimera who are likely struggling to find a place in a world they have only just begun to truly understand.  However, the Yokai's inclusion is not hard to figure out at all.  Do I even need to point to my previous paragraph and then down to last month's?  Connect the dots and follow the trail.

There is a huge Dark dome over Tokyo which is causing planes to crash and making Japan less and less likely a place to visit.  Mass exodus from the East is only a matter of time.  The wilds are going to become more and more dangerous as the D13-Y spreads and with the possibility that the Dark is behind D13 to begin with, our world is in great peril and the Old World even more thus.

The Ancient are crawling out of what were previously thought to be safe hiding holes.  But no one is safe.  Nothing and no one is safe from what was always already here.

It came from another planet, and so did Convergence.

As always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?








May flowers my fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  Or should I say, May Things!  Yes, May was the month of Things.  I'm not being facetious and saying 'stuff and things' but rather our black oozing protectors, The Things.

It was actually not the first time in our history that The Things have started acting strangely.  In fact, they have not been acting 'right' since the death of our beloved 'Mayor,' Mr. Smith.  In case you people do not know, The Things have done such oddities as stared at balloons, pointed wordlessly at the sky, jerked people out of their homes and dragged them kicking and screaming down the streets, and even picked up one citizen and beat another citizen with him.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Things Gone Wild is not a new concept.  We all just seem to be <redacted> <redacted.>

I have never quite understood how the citizens of Convergence are so accepting of concepts as they are without question.  There are massive oozing black creatures with the ability to vanish any individual they choose away while simultaneously mind <redacting> them and this is accepted as not only normal, but somehow beneficial to the community.  Then, when those black ooze monsters combine into a giant ooze monster and start attacking the city, people are so <redacting> shocked.

Really.  Really!?

This city appeared out of no where on Earth.  Now a giant dome incredibly similar to ours and yet DARK appears halfway around the world in Tokyo and you're scrambling for answers?

Really!?

I can't hand-hold you through everything my friends.  The aliens were always already here.

As always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?





April Showers my fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  I bet you're all thinking that it has been a dull month.  Well, just like 99.999% of all other times; you're completely wrong.

April was the month of kidnappings.

After many terrible nightmares, shadows on the walls and things moving about, people have finally started to disappear.  The aliens are playing their hand.  I heard one person on the street laughably say, 'Well it was only about twenty or thirty people.'

Only about twenty or thirty people disappeared.

This is the <redacted> apocalypse people and we're trying to repopulate the entire <redacted> world.  If twenty people in the city disappear, that should be a big <redacted> deal.  People in Convergence disappear all the <redacted> time and guess what?  Aliens!  However, this time they took a huge chunk!

We need to be worried about what the big plan for these people is about.  Get your heads out of your <redacted> and start planning!

As always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?



Green for the month of March.  Green for the month of ALIENS!

Welcome to this month's installment of the Tinfoil Hat, I am your host, DJ Slicer.  As it says above, this is March and this March has brought with it, lots and lots of aliens.  The entire city was attacked by aliens, just like I said it was going to be months, and months, and months ago.

Now, I heard all this crap about how those were called 'Elementals' and not 'aliens' but what exactly is an 'alien' if not a bunch of creatures from another planet that arrive in a ship?  They flew through space, crash landed on our planet and tried to take it over.  They literally tried to subjugate planet Earth.

How did we defeat these creatures?

We beamed them away Star Trek style.

I think I deserve a cookie, just please keep in mind that I am gluten free and also allergic to peanuts.

Does this mean we are off the hook?

Of course not.  It wasn't long after those aliens were beamed away that astronomers discovered a new black hole in space.  You can bet dollars to donuts (no peanuts please) that who or what those evil aliens were running from to get to our planet are probably still following them and they're going to be pissed when they get here and their quarry isn't here.

Keep those shotguns at the ready my friends!  It's going to be a bumpy ride.

As always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?






Did you get chocolates for Valentine's Day my fellow conspiracy theorists?

Well, I hope you threw them away if you did, because that shit was likely poison.

Welcome to this installment of the Tinfoil Hat, I am your host, DJ Slicer.  It is February and that means candy, stuffed animals and cuddling with the one you love.  What a crock.  This holiday was created by the man to put brain washing powder into candy.

It is not so bad now that the infrastructure has mostly crumbled, but we all still need to be mindful of how many little automatons died to create this more perfect world.

Speaking of death, the Silk District recently blew up, and then was rebuilt almost overnight.  I can't be the only one that thinks this was rather eyebrow arch worthy.  The rumors are it was an old grudge-match attack and that the city drew together to rebuild quickly because of all the lives lost, but you and I know what really happened right?

That's right.  Aliens.  Aliens blew up the Silk and have replaced all those who lived there with Doppelgangers.

Gear up everyone, my arsenal is ready, is yours?




We have survived another year my fellow conspiracy theorists.

Welcome to this installment of the Tinfoil Hat, I am your host, DJ Slicer.  It is now 2023 and I am still alive.  Some believe that I have been alive forever.  That is mostly true, but because we cannot quantify 'forever' it is only mostly.

Red ADA has been put to rest and some say that our beloved Blue Lady who protects the city is also dead and gone.  I am here to tell you that this is absolutely not the case.

Any good hacker knows that if you have important information on a computer, you back that shit up.  What kind of great Blue Goddess would she be if she didn't have a back-up of her soul floating around somewhere?

I mean come on!  That's elementary school shit.

At any rate, we still have aliens coming and quite literally they've been at the Gates.  Was I there with my arsenal?

Maybe.  Not like I'm going to tell you.

They're at our Gates, my fellow Citizens.  It's time to whip out your guns.

My arsenal is ready...is yours?




Welcome to the Santa installment of the Tinfoil Hat, I am your host, DJ Slicer.  Like always, I am still alive.  Some robots attempted to bash in my door and assault me, but they were met with heavy fire and became nothing more than twitching sparks.

As I have told everyone for months, the aliens are here and now they are attacking our very way of life.  When ADAnet went dark, I knew in an instant that I had to be ready.  I do not have service robots in my home, but there are some nearby and they came right for me.  This didn't surprise me in the least.

Some wondered why I didn't die to the cyber-hacking incidents, but that is simply because one cannot easily find me.  ADA and I have an understanding and that understanding will remain.

Some of you may not comprehend this, but it brought me no pleasure blowing those robots to bits.  Alien controlled robots are no different than alien controlled people.  We do what we have to do, but in the end it's just like an alien taking over your brother, your sister, your cousin or your dear Grandma Jane.

Do you want the aliens to take over your Grandma Jane?

I thought not.

Get out. Get educated.  And as always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?




It's that time once again.  Welcome to this installment of the Tinfoil Hat, fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  I am your host, DJ Slicer.  As always, I'm still alive.  I was not down in the Night Market when the explosion claimed so much of our good and proper arsenal.

Is anyone else more than a little pissed off?  Now, I can respect The Maestro and Caesar having their little pissing contest, but men need to learn to respect guns, explosives, and all that is left in the world.  That shit doesn't just grow around your corner store anymore.

Normally I would be talking about the coming of aliens, spooks and other such, but let us take a moment to discuss another important topic.  Respect.  Of course, I speak about the respect of another man's guns.  While I understand the idea behind blowing up what could be seen as a potential enemy's armory; one really needs to put things in perspective.

This is the end of the world gentlemen.  The aliens are coming and we need all the boomsticks that we can get.  Maestro, Caesar, Centipede, get your heads out of your asses and turn yourselves towards doing something worth doing.

Fighting aliens.

As always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?





Hello and welcome to the second installment of the Tinfoil Hat my fellow Conspiracy Theorists!  I am your host, DJ Slicer.  Contrary to popular belief, I did not perish in the comet fall.  It will take more than a ship filled with aliens to kill me.  I was prepared.  I certainly hope that you were prepared as well.  After all, I tried to warn you.

As many of you know, the spaceship veered off course at the last possible moment.  I, for one, was not the least bit surprised.

I'm imagine many of you are unsure as to what might have happened.  Well, I am here to tell you.  One of our brave citizens was sent up into space to tamper with the spaceship.  I know that might sound ludicrous.  However, I saw a rocket blast off with my own two eyes.  I sincerely doubt the individual that was sent up in space made it back alive, and I salute you, brave citizen.

It rather grinds my gears that a red-blooded citizen of Convergence died to protect the secret of aliens among us.  Doesn't that grate against your last nerve too?  It should.

So then here we are.  The comet was knocked off course and someone died to keep the secret of aliens hidden and ultimately saved our lives.  Brave as it was, we are still left with an alien invasion on our hands, and we've all heard the screams from Olympia.  These 'rock monsters' are really just aliens.  Did anyone really think they were going to be little green men?  Come on, we're not children, we're grown-up Conspiracy Theorists.

As always, my arsenal is ready.  Is yours?

The time is now.




Welcome to the united force of the Tinfoil Hat fellow Conspiracy Theorists.  My name is DJ Slicer and I have been among you for many events and many disasters that have befallen our fair city.  I received a Master's Degree in Conspiracy Theory online from Arizona Tech before it was closed down because of D13.  I have been around the block several times and now I am here to try and explain some of the more worrying recent events.

As many of you know the insects of Convergence went absolutely crazy for a few weeks.  The bees abandoned their honey, ants started making their own tiny crop circles, spiders stopped spinning webs, and an increase in stings grew exponentially.

Eventually we began seeing bug monsters enter the city.  The citizens rose up to destroy the bug monsters, as Convergence Citizen are oft to do.  However, are you aware that some were infected by mind-control bugs?

It is true.  There were several confirmed instances of the bugs actually taking control of the minds of individuals and forcing them to do things, including...try to impregnate women.

Now, you may not understand what all this means, if you didn't have a small telescope in your room like I do.

I have been watching the comet coming towards us, and my fellows.  That is not a comet.  It is not shaped like a comet.  It is flying saucer.  That's right.  Aliens are coming, and they are sending out radio signals that caused the bugs to go crazy.  Some of those that were bitten, and perhaps had extensive dental work, or perhaps were prone to seizures (or maybe had already been previously alien probed) were then privy to the waves being sent through the air by the ship in the sky.

Aliens are going to land soon, and now we must be prepared.  I have my arsenal ready.  I do not intend to be subjugated by invaders.

Are you ready my fellows?

The time is now.


Do you have questions or comments for DJ Slicer?  Please send them to thetinfoilhat@ada.net